Goodbye 2018, Hello 2019

downloadAs 2018 comes to a close I am finding my mind wondering more and more.  I reminisce over all of the changes that were suddenly forced upon me with the autoimmune diagnoses that I received.  I find my mind wondering to the what ifs and should haves and regretting all of the things I did not do and the people that I did not reach out to.  The many  missed opportunities that are now lost and gone forever haunt my memory.

2018 was by far, the most difficult year of my life, and that includes the year that my children were in foster care.  I went from being very active, seemingly in the prime of my life, to being saddled with multiple autoimmune diseases that my entire world now revolves around.  As bad as this past year was, it is still worthy of a moment of recognition for all of the lessons and experiences that have molded me into the person that is walking into 2019.

img_20181122_190115_9221327044413.jpg2018 was not all bad.  I started a new life in a new state close to most of my family.  I got a job out here that helped me to get back on my feet.  Of course it wasn’t any amazing career, just a way to pay the bills and support my family.  I got my driver’s license back for the first time in five years, and by the end of the year I was blessed with a good running car.  2018 came with its fair share of blessings and lessons, and both are noteworthy.

I have my share of hopes and goals for this coming year, and now is the time that I’m pondering what they might be.  My life changed so much this past year, and I changed so much this last year that I’m not even sure that I’m the same person that I was in January.  I strayed from my active life, under the pretense of chronic illness.  I let the pain get the better of me.  I chose not to continue due to my illnesses, and that’s the first thing that I plan to change. This is going to be the year that I take back my life and make it my own.

20181205_142937_film21553040159.jpgGetting sick this year changed my perspective and perception on everything in my life.  My children, family, friends and job have all been affected by my diseases.  Meaningless things became so precious.  Priorities changed in an instant.  My outlook on life changed as soon as I was diagnosed.  I became so bitter and negative about my diseases that it poured over into every single aspect of my life, marriage and career.

As I enter 2019, I do so with a forgiving heart.  Forgiving all those that have hurt me.  Forgiving myself for any hurt that I have caused others.  I plan to walk into 2019 with a clean slate and a fresh outlook, leaving behind everything that happened in 2018 and moving onward and forward.

Happy New Year to each and every one of you!




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