My 2019 So Far

20190703_152804.jpgWow… I can barely believe that this year is already half-way over.  This year so far has been so much chaos and confusion that I can hardly believe everything that has transpired over the last 6 months.  And I’m kind of terrible at keeping up with my writing ha!

Back in January of this year, I spent 5 days in the hospital.  I was kept there for 5 days under observation status as the doctors worked tirelessly to find out what was wrong with me.  I had just undergone an upper endoscopy with my gastroenterologist, and apparently that sent my body into some kind of flare.  I presented to the emergency room with a fever over 102, severe stomach pain, nausea and weakness.  At first,  my medical team seemed convinced that the problem was with my gallbladder.  Then they decided that it wasn’t my gallbladder and that it was likely from my autoimmune liver disease.  By the time that I left the hospital I was worse than I was when I went in.  I had absolutely no answers as to what was or is wrong with me.  The only benefit from the entire ordeal was the antibiotics knocked out every single infection that had been riddling my body for the last two years, and for that I was quite grateful.


By the end of January a lot of issues were starting to brew both in my marriage and my life.  There was beginning to be too much stress and changes started happening.  In the end there were too many changes to keep up with and we ended up spending three months in a homeless shelter.  For me this was one of the lowest points of my life, although I must admit that through one of the darkest periods of my life came some pretty huge blessings.


By February I was promoted to store manager of the Subway that I have been working at for a year and a half.  The promotion came with a raise and by April we were in our own apartment.  The kids love it and for the first time in a while I feel peaceful and almost happy.  We spend most of our days off gardening and my boys are really loving it.


On the surface and to the rest of the world, I probably appear to have my life together.  All of my case managers and other various support people are amazed by me and the progress that I have made, but under the surface there’s a much more grim reality.  The true reality is that I am an emotional wreck.  I cry almost every single.  I stress about my ominous medical conditions so much that at this point I am barely sleeping.  Hell… I’m barely even functioning anymore.  Every day I look at my beautiful children, and I find my reason to keep going.  I pop those god-forsaken liver pills that I absolutely loathe and mumble some crap under my breath, but I do what I don’t want to for the people that deserve my all.  And some days these little people are the only things that hold me together!





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