Another year has passed and a new one has begun, and yet again I find myself apologizing for neglecting my little blog. Ha! I really am terrible at keeping up. Life really got in the way for a while.
I left my job at Subway back in October of 2019 due to my medical problems. It was so difficult and painful to carry on with my duties, which included constantly touching cold food. My Raynaud’s was not conducive to that type of environment. I was leaving work every day just so damn depressed because of all of the tasks that I could no longer perform. I was placing my responsibilities on my employees and that was certainly unfair to them. Once I left the job, one of the worst depressions of my life began. I felt useless both in my own home and in my job. I battled demons that I did not know existed within my own mind. It was truly a dark time in my life.
Bad got worse when the lovely state of Florida decided that I did not even deserve to have medical insurance. I spent 6 months without medical care or my medications. Just my liver medication alone was about $500 for a month’s supply. So, I went without it and my health declined rapidly. Not only was my physical health affected, my mental health took an even bigger decline. I spent months yelling and screaming, punching walls and crying. I am blessed to say that we have rectified this situation and I am now fully insured and back on all of my medicines!
There is much to be said about the correlation between autoimmune diseases and depression. Prior to it happening to me, I might not have believed that it could affect someone in such a way. I remember feeling like my life was already over, and I had basically checked out and quit living. My poor husband was a trooper! He took good care of me and held everything together in the house. He went to work, paid bills, cooked meals, etc. He basically did everything until I was able to get out of my funk. Gods blessed me with that one for sure and I’m so glad that he stayed by my side through it all.
In January of this year, we as a family decided that we had to pack up our lives and move to Pensacola, Florida where I could be closer to the specialists that I need to see for my various diseases. So, here I am starting my life all over again! This time it’s not an ominous change and I am very much involved and living my life to the fullest extent that my body will allow. I have some days that I am just too exhausted to do much, and I have learned to let my body rest when it needs to. Most days I am like the energizer bunny and I give my kids a run for their money! I have entered a place of peace with my diagnoses. Even though I have peace with it, I still battle with the occasional depression and denial stages of grief. I do still grieve for the life that I thought I would have and I grieve for the things that I am no longer capable of doing, but I am still LIVING my life and for now that is enough.
This week I am starting a new job as a manager at one of the McDonald’s here in town. My new boss is fully aware of my conditions, and accommodations are being made so that I can still work. I welcome all of the new challenges and experiences that await me this year and am so very glad that I am back in the land of the living!