More Reflections

I messed up again!  As an autoimmune warrior, I already know well that I have to pace myself and follow my limitations.  This weekend, in my desperation to make some home changes, I overdid it.  I went far beyond what my body was prepared for.  I cleaned, organized and rearranged furniture most of the day yesterday.  And let me tell you… I’m begging for spoons today!

My body aches in every muscle and joint I have.  I have not felt pain and fatigue like this in quite awhile.  I hurt in places that I forgot could get aches and pains.  My mind is fuzzy today, and my memory is playing tricks on me.

Once again I have to declare a rest day due to the inevitable flare that yesterday’s housework has caused.  I know better than to do too much.  The thought had, in fact, crossed my mind before yesterday’s activities.  I had to make the decision to risk the flare just to get my house done the way I wanted it.  This is one of the saddest realities that we live with as autoimmune warriors.  This is my life now and I have come to accept it for what it is.

The highlight of my day was when my youngest son, Kurt, made his first-ever cake.  I have been working with him quite a bit in the kitchen, and he was finally able to bake his own goodies while I was busy with many other tasks.  He was so proud of his creation, and I was so proud of him!  It was definitely a nice treat after a long day of cleaning projects.  This is also bittersweet to me since Kurt is autistic, and his success means so much more because his struggle is greater.

My daughter came back home last week, and that has caused quite a bit of excitement in our household.  It had been six months since we had last seen each other.  I moved from Florida to Washington state earlier this year, but had not seen her since then.  We are all so happy to have her back home now and I certainly appreciate having the extra help around the house.  This time she came home with a plus one… she is engaged now and her fiance, Jacob, came home with her.  We are quite pleased to have him with us as well.

Things are coming full-circle now and it’s really got me in my thoughts and feelings lately.  I look at my pictures now and I am starting to see the signs of aging.  My hair is starting to turn gray and I spend more time and money on hair dye than I probably should.  My husband is much older than I and acts like he can’t see that I’m getting older now.  After 15 years together, this is our way and it still makes me smile.  All of my children are bigger than me now and my youngest will officially be a teenager in December.

Being chronically ill has made me learn to appreciate all of these little things.  I never know when my diseases will take a turn for the worse, so I have learned to take in every single moment and to make every memory count.  Life is short and my future is unknown, but even with that reality looming over me, I choose to live the fullest life that I possibly can.  I appreciate all of the little things so much more now that I am sick, and in a way I would almost say that my sickness is my blessing.