Vent Post: More Medical Anxiety

I need a place to vent… to release… to be real.  I do this from time to time on this blog, and it is usually quite therapeutic for me.  Today I am a ball of nerves.  I am stressed out as I’m awaiting blood test results checking on the status of my liver.  I’m going over all of the worst-case scenarios that my anxiety-ridden brain can pump out at lightning speed, and it’s driving me insane.

I’ve already seen some of the results from the online patient portal.  That, in my opinion, is a flawed system.  When someone like me sees a positive result, it’s instant anxiety.  To soothe my anxiety I go to good ole Dr. Google and research myself to death.  Usually my consults with Dr. Google end in me planning my funeral, so I stopped looking things up on Google quite some time ago.   If you’re like me in this, heed my advice and stop doing that.  It doesn’t help the situation in the least.

I’ve spent so long avoiding doctors and hospitals that I don’t know how to function in that capacity anymore.  My medical anxiety is so bad that I can’t go alone to any of my appointments.  I have had to get all kinds of exceptions made just for my husband to accompany me during COVID-19.  The new rules only allow for the person that the appointment is for, but that’s not how it’s done in my case.  Thank Gods for that!  I wouldn’t even make it in the door of the office without my other half walking me in.

I’ve got a busy medical schedule this week.  Three different ultrasounds and a fibroscan of my liver.  Possible surgery consults coming up.  Lab work and possibly a liver biopsy later this month.  I have no idea how I am going to make it through all of these appointments with this high of anxiety.  Pray for me y’all and if you have any advice… my ears are open!