Breaking Down

36672b79-70aa-403b-8eac-1461fb2d11c0Today started out with tears, and I’m still trying to gain my composure, so be warned that this will be yet another whiny vent post.  This morning I had another early morning carpool run.  I woke up in so much pain I didn’t think that we would make it out of the door in time to get my hubby to work.  The daily questions of laundry and lunches provoked me to tears and before I knew it the floodgate had opened and all of my pent up emotions were released at full force.  All my poor husband could do was take me into his arms and let me get it all out.  

I have been in a flare for well over a week now.  My fatigue is at an all time high and I’m plagued with joint and muscle pain.  My Raynaud’s attacks are out of control now that the weather has gotten colder here in Washington.  I can’t focus or concentrate on anything right now and that has led me to the ultimate frustration.  I feel like a crappy wife, mother and human being at this point.  I’m barely functioning anymore…

f65d07d7-88d1-4a05-bec2-d97c8c41a972In addition to everything else going on, my anxiety is worked up over the EGD that I am supposed to have done tomorrow.  Any time I’m going through anything medical my anxiety ramps up to uncontrollable levels and that adds to my autoimmune flare and emotional overload.  I’ve got myself all worked up about this procedure because I got an infection after the last one back in 2018.  I’m terrified that I’m going to end up in the hospital again.  That was the sickest I had ever been in my life and I NEVER  want to experience that again.  




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