The day that I have dreaded has finally arrived. We got our first snow since moving to Washington in April. My kids were excited to play in the snow and make snowmen, but I, unfortunately, was unable to join them due to my Raynaud’s disease. The snow has been a bitter reminder to me of the things that I can no longer do. I feel so bad that I can’t go out and play in the snow with my children… they have to make these memories without me. It’s just not fair and I need to give myself that moment of validation.
The storm that we got was kind of a freak storm and not typical of the weather in this region. Of course, I’m not from here so I can only go by what I have been told. This early-season snowstorm gave me an opportunity to realize just what exactly I am facing here. The blistering cold on my extremities is near unbearable. I haven’t felt my feet or toes in several days now and my hands have an attack every time I walk outside of my house. Needless to say, I am only leaving when it’s absolutely necessary.
No matter how much I hate the snow and the effects that it has on my body, there is a beauty and a peaceful energy that has been left across the land. The world seems a bit slower and quieter today. Even though I could not join my children playing in the snow, I was able to watch from inside, bake brownies and snap pictures of the snowmen for them. It sucks that I can only participate from the heated side lines, but at least we have found a way to adjust and adapt. I am blessed to still be here to watch them play and learn and grow. I stay ever aware of the fact that at any point my diseases can speed up their progression and end this blessing for me, so I remain ever-grateful to still be here with them.