I saw yet another specialist this week… I had been referred to physiatry by my neurologist, but when I went to the appointment I had no memory of what the appointment was for. Y’all this brain fog is no joke. Well, it turns out that neurology referred me there for neck pain that may or may not be related to my migraines.
As with all appointments that I go to, my anxiety was so high that I could hardly breathe. My heart rate was up to 139 by the time that I got into the office. My anxiety is really getting out of control with all of these doctors and specialists. My blood pressure was high for me, but not that high by the normal standards. My average blood pressure is 90/60. It’s hard to act like an autoimmune warrior when my anxiety has me acting like a small child about to get a shot. I have to admit that my medical team is amazing when it comes to my anxiety and for that I am truly blessed. I bring my husband to all of my appointments and that helps immensely and so far only one doctor’s office has said no to him joining me (due to Covid-19 restrictions). This doctor called him my emotional support animal and we all had a good laugh about it, but to be honest that is exactly what he is and does for me during these appointments. I am lost when he can’t be there with me.
I met with the doctor and liked her immediately. She kind of reminded me of my mother which was calming for me. She was an older doctor and that always gives me more confidence. She did a physical exam and decided that I should have physical therapy for my neck. The other recommendation is the one that set off all of my little anxious thoughts. She wants to do steroid injections in 6 different trigger points in my neck and spine! Initially I allowed them to schedule it but it wasn’t 24 hours later that I sent the doctor a message telling her that my anxiety is so high that I just can’t go through with this right now. I am still going to go through with the physical therapy because that is non-invasive and might help, but there is no way in Hell that I can go through with her other recommendation at this time. She was very understanding of my cancelling and made me feel like it was no big deal to her and that I could reschedule it at any time that I am ready for it.
Y’all… it’s really hard to live a life of anxiety. If you don’t suffer and struggle with it personally, you have absolutely no idea how hard it really is. My entire life is overloaded with anxious thoughts of things that will probably never happen to me again, but in the back of my mind, the thought is always there… always nagging at me… always reminding me. I see a doctor and a therapist for PTSD and that has been great for me, but I refuse to take any benzodiazepines for my condition at this time. That makes my battle even more difficult, but I was on those types of medications before and it was not good for me at all! I will never in my life allow myself to go back to that again.
Pray for me y’all! I’m really going through a lot these days. Love and light to each and every one of you!