Y’all… my anxiety has hit an all-time high for me. I’ve got a lot of things going on medically-I now have 13 different providers. And each and every one of these providers have different things that I need to do for my care. It doesn’t seem like much to the doctors… a test or two doesn’t seem like much but when you multiply that by 13 different doctors and provider it’s a lot! I’ve long said that this is a full-time job, but lately I’m working way too much overtime for this job and guess what? My anxiety is also working overtime.
I have a bunch of tests and procedures coming up this week, and every time I think about it I get anxious. Some of the tests seem simple to most people, but for someone with medical anxiety it can feel like the end of the world. One of the big ones this week is my fibroscan and I am absolutely terrified to get it done. Now, this is described as a simple procedure. This is the test that they use to determine what stage the patient’s PBC is at. That is the terrifying part for me. I have avoided facing this disease for 2 years now. This was scheduled back in the summertime but I chickened out and cancelled it. I can’t do that this time. I made a promise to my husband to go through with it and I don’t like breaking promises. So, it’s time to face my fears and get the damn test done.
I also have Botox injections coming up this week and that is another source of my anxiety. This procedure is going to be painful and that is where the obvious fear is coming from. They are going to put 30 injections into my face and neck. Who wouldn’t be scared of that? Well, I am certainly going through the gambit of emotions on that one. I am extremely tempted to cancel, but I recognize that this procedure is likely the only hope I have for migraine relief. My poor husband is going to have his hands full trying to drag me into that appointment!
What would a crazy busy week be without a visit to the Primary Care Physician as well? Yup… I have to go see her too. I’ve been having a new symptom that may be cause for concern. I have been really dizzy lately and ever since I started a new medication for Raynaud’s my heart rate is increasing to dangerous levels. She wanted me to go to the emergency room, but I opted to just have an appointment with her instead. I have an absolute fear of doctors and hospitals and getting sick so young does not help that at all! My life has become a literal Hell full of my worst nightmares.
Stay strong autoimmune warriors and friends and family. Love and light now and always!