Anxieties and Updates

9a015698-42ae-4d27-bc78-24c8234c65d8I went through a lot of medical tests, procedures and appointments this week, and today I am most definitely out of spoons.  The biggest and scariest this week was the Botox injections that I had done three days ago.  My anxiety was absolutely unbearable walking into that appointment.  I felt so out of control of my body, but I did manage to get through it.  After three days, the only effect that I still feel is soreness at one injection site, and that is on my forehead where he accidentally hit a blood vessel.  It just feels like I bumped my head.

I normally get headaches just about every day or at least every other day, but so far I have not had one.  I am sure that they will be back, as this procedure is supposed to take at least three rounds to see success, but I welcome the break I’m having now.  I spoke with a nurse from a completely different office, and she said that after the second round she never had another migraine!  I am hoping beyond hope that this will be the case with me.  I have struggled with migraines since I was a toddler.  I wouldn’t know how to live a life free of migraines ruining my days and plans.

d50e0b6b-20c5-4894-928a-8f43cb6921eaIn addition to my Botox appointment, I had to face test results from my Fibroscan.  In hindsight, I feel like a fool for avoiding it for so very long.  It was quite a simple procedure and my results could not have been better!  The hardest part of that whole procedure was the fasting.  I am ugly until I have coffee!

Physical therapy was also on my schedule this week.  That appointment was the least anxiety-ridden, but it was still difficult.  It’s physical therapy for my pelvic floor muscles, and it can be a bit invasive at times!  I have anxiety every single time I walk in there, but it usually goes away pretty quickly.  It helps that my physical therapist is amazing in dealing with me and my anxiety.

I look back at all of the medical appointments and procedures that gave me such bad anxiety this week, and I have survived all of it.  Each and every appointment was positive, even though my anxiety was out of control.  I feel stupid.  I feel embarrassed.  I feel like a little kid that is scared of the doctor.  I’ve really got to get some coping skills for these appointments.  It has gotten so bad that one of my doctors prescribed my anti-anxiety medication just to be able to go through with some of these appointments.  I have mixed emotions on taking them, but I chose to do so for the Botox appointment.

e5b0d009-8e6e-4b80-8f5b-2c91edea0438This busy week has taught me that anxiety can really have a lot of effects on the body.  There were two separate appointments that I had high anxiety going into.  At each of those appointments my resting heart rate was in the 140’s!  My blood pressure is usually super low, but it was even high!  In addition to the fact that I can’t breathe, my stomach twists, my knees get weak, I lose the ability to speak due to the hyperventilation.  That’s really a lot on an already stressed out body.  I try the deep breathing techniques that are recommended, but it really does not help me in a medical setting.

dfc44588-fb40-42d2-88fa-c44eade83948-2Oh… and did I mention that my birthday was this past week… 37 years old now.  Usually my birthday is a very sad day, since it’s the anniversary of a dear friend committing suicide, but this year I took it back and made it mine again and I had quite a lovely birthday, if I do say so myself.  My kids bought me two cakes and sang to me.  I was quite touched… I’m always the one to do birthday cakes for literally everyone around me, but this year someone thought of me and that really made my day.

Thanks for stopping by and stay strong autoimmune warriors and friends and family! Love and light now and always.

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