If you know me, you know that I hate very few things more than I hate wasting my time, and yesterday’s ENT appointment was just that – a waste of my time! First off, my anxiety was through the roof, but that’s quite typical for me. It got even worse once I realized that they intended to put a scope down my throat by way of my nasal passages. I agreed to give it a try, but I had a suspicion from the beginning that this just wasn’t going to go well for me.
It started off with a cotton ball of numbing medication being placed in my nose to stop me from feeling the scope. They left that in for about ten to fifteen minutes. In the meanwhile, the doctor came in to talk to me and ask some questions and explain what was about to happen. He was very calm with me and great with my anxiety. He checked my ears and nose and found no issues there. We moved into the scoping room so that he could start the procedure. He only got a couple of inches into my nostril and I was nearly in tears with the pain. He tried my other nostril and that one hurt just as bad. The doctor decided to put the scope down my throat. Once he got there, he saw absolutely nothing telling him why I’m having so much trouble with food. He is referring me back to the gastroenterologist that originally referred me to him in the first place. To say that I feel like a ping pong ball would be an understatement.
Now that I’m being bounced back and forth, I’m starting to feel defeated. I feel like no doctor is really interested in helping me with this problem. I’ve lost over 40 pounds and the weight is still coming off of me. If I try to eat I choke and gag through the whole process. If I don’t eat I feel sick all day from low blood sugar. I can’t win to save my life right now. I feel like I am being abandoned by the very people that are supposed to help me. I don’t even know where else to turn for help with this problem. I feel like nobody is going to take me serious until I’m underweight and malnourished, rather than helping me now before it becomes a bigger problem. I just want to scream at the top of my lungs right now.
The stress from yesterday’s appointment left me in a full-blown flare for today. I woke up in excruciating pain in several different places in my body, but the Interstitial Cystitis flare that I’m having is definitely the worst. I can barely stand up or walk today. I’ve cried more tears than I care to admit. Now, I’m curled up in my comfy chair with a heating pad across my lower abdomen, hoping and praying that relief comes quickly. I usually don’t allow myself to rest, but today I have to work on that. My body is giving up on me after several days of me pushing it way too far, and today I am paying a very high price.
When my pain levels are high, I get very mean and today is no exception. My husband has already been cussed out by me and the poor guy didn’t do anything at all. I feel bad that I have let my pain control my attitude today. Usually, I am able to keep myself and my words in check, but today I have failed at that. Luckily, I am married to a very understanding, forgiving man and we have already moved past this morning’s meltdown. Now, it’s time for me to get some rest.
Stay strong autoimmune warriors and friends and family! Love and light now and always!