All too often, I get on this blog to whine, moan or complain, but today I have positive news for the first time in a very long time. My methotrexate dose day was yesterday, and I’m feeling rather decent today. I didn’t wake up with my usual amount of joint pain and inflammation, which is giving me a bit of hope that this medication is working properly. I know that it may seem small to most people that will read this, but for me – this is huge! I have suffered and struggled with joint pain and inflammation for far longer than I have been diagnosed with the Scleroderma that causes it. So, any amount of hope that I can find for myself is precious. I did have a weird side effect last night that caused quite a bit of concern for me. My legs were very weak and I could hardly hold myself up in a standing position. It was so bad that I decided to take my butt straight to bed and see if the symptom is still there in the morning. Luckily, all was well by the time that I woke up this morning.
Not only is my joint pain and inflammation much less today, my energy is a bit better, too. Fatigue is my second biggest complaint, next to pain. Today required less coffee to get going and I haven’t had the dire need to lay down to have a nap. I know all of these things are minor in the grand scheme theme of things, but to me this is huge. This is hope. This is the first bit of proof I have gotten that things might get better for me. It’s like a dream come true for me. I feel silly being so excited for something so small, but with all of the bleakness in my life I welcome this small ray of light.
I’m still struggling with bladder pain from my Interstitial Cystitis, but even that pain is a bit less today. I feel like the flare may be on its way out, but I could just be wishful thinking in assuming so. I have suffered with Interstitial Cystitis for so many years now that it has become the one constant I can always expect. None of the treatments or medications have improved that disease, and at this point I’m ready to just accept it as a natural part of my life. I’m not the best candidate for surgeries now that I am on low-dose chemotherapy for Scleroderma. I think it’s just one of those things that they will never really be able to fix for me, so I’m ready to give up on it and move on with the rest of my life. I am prescribed pain medications that do help with that pain quite a bit. For a long time I fooled myself into believing that they would be able to cure or at least put the Interstitial Cystitis into remission, but that hope is quickly waning.
The highlight of my day was when Bestie popped in with a present for me. She got me a new hat for my cold little head and ear. A new store opened in town, North 40 Outfitters, and Devan’s father-in-law wanted to go check some things out. She said that store was perfect for shopping for good, warm clothing for people like me who suffer and struggle with Raynaud’s. I’ll definitely be making a trip of my own to do some shopping for cold weather items now that there is a store in my area that has these items available. Living way out in the country like we currently do means that most of my products are ordered online or I’ve had to go without them. I recently lost a lot of my belongings, so my collection is rather small considering I live in the Pacific Northwest now and we get cold and snow every single year.
Even though I’m feeling a little better today than I usually do, my loving husband has not strayed too far from my side. I think he’s still a bit worried even though my aches and pains are less. He worries himself to death about me and my failing health, and unfortunately, there’s not much that I can do to make him feel any better about it. He’s just gotten into such a habit of worrying and taking care of me that he doesn’t know how to exist outside of that sometimes. I guess I should just be glad that I have someone in my life that cares enough to take care of me like he does. Gods know I would never survive this autoimmune life without him. There are already far too many tasks that I require his help with, I couldn’t imagine trying to do any of it without him. He is my greatest blessing and the only reason that I get up and keep going each and every day.